Question by jingo 97: My relationship is suffering because of depression. Can someone please help me!?
Hi…sorry for the long message but I really need to talk to someone and would really appreciate it if someone would just listen…
I’ve been suffering from depression for a while now. it never was a constant thing. I’d be my normal, fun loving self for a while, but some nights I’d find myself with my fist clenched tight with tears running down my face…It’s been like this since I was younger.
Growing up in Chicago, I was a witness to drug abuse from my father almost every night. Seeing my father high as a child was a norm; it’s sad but it was expected. The image of him high is burned in my head. It was like a nightly routine. First, he’d come down stairs and begin pacing…eyes wide as could be. His jaw moving side to side, his voice could be heard from outside. I’d run to a room and close the door and turn the TV up loud as possible so he wouldn’t be heard…hoping it would be over soon. By the end of the night I was fuelled with so much rage…pain…sorrow. I’ve been through that a countless number of times and sooo much more, but i choose not to talk about it. I’d just swallow it and keep it inside.
I live with my mother in Atlanta now; she doesn’t know about any of this… We never had a good relationship neither. Constant fighting every day…even now!!!
With no solid relationship with nether one of my parents I never had a shoulder to cry on, or someone to talk to at anytime. But 7 month ago I met the love of my life. She means the world to me and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. We’re even talking about getting married! But our lives are different in some ways. Her parents are married, big house and they bought my girlfriends car for her. And me…well i don’t have a car and……well you understand.
She lives 45min away, so I only see her 2…3 times a week, but the drive to my house is starting to take a toll on her; I’ve always hated that and knew eventually the drive would get to her.
Anyway… she’s witness some of these random break downs throughout our relationship. She tries to cheer me up…telling me to think positive and have faith that things will change, but its hard to think positive when you’ve been surrounded by negativity your entire life. I try…God knows I try, but then something happens like me getting fired from my job…which brings me back down to an all-time low. She could find someone so much better than me. Yet, she chooses to stay. With college, work, and my depression…it’s getting her all stressed out, and I know she’s getting really annoyed with me. It got really bad today…I don’t wanna hurt her (not physically) or myself anymore.    Read more...